It was 20 years ago this very same day... 30th May 1991.
30th May 1991 :
A really sad day and a turning point in my life. It was my father who gave me the news of my grandfathers death that very same morning.
I was devastated. I loved my grandfather and I hadn't totally accepted the death factor, it was actually the first time in my life that I had to deal with such a thing.
My grandfather? Gone? Forever? I mean... he's not coming back like... ever again? No... that was too much for me at that moment...
I didn't know what to do and I was a bit angry. I thought that staying home wouldn't improve the whole situation, so it was time for a walk around the neighbourhood.
After a few strolls, I saw a neighbor, Nick, heading for his home in a rush. He was holding something very big. I went closer and asked "What is that?"
He stopped, looked at me and replied "Well that's a record!". A record. "And what is a record?" I asked. "A record is a thing that contains music from a band."
Suddenly I remembered that my father had a few records and I felt a bit stupid asking about it... "What kind of music?". "It's rock music." he said.
"I only have a few cassettes with rock music." I replied almost instantly. The truth was that at that time I only had like, 4 or 5 cassettes nothing more.
"So which rock bands have you heard?" he asked. "Scorpions, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Guns 'n Roses and a few more..." I replied.
"Nah those are very soft... this is much harder!". "What's the name of the band?" I asked. "Accept!". Accept. The name sounded extremely good in my ears.
"So, you wanna listen to them?"... "Definitely!" I said. Almost instantly, I had forgotten all about my grandfathers death, my father being sad, my mother trying to calm him down and generally, the whole werid situation at home at that time.
That was it. That particular record defined the course of my life at that moment. The next day I had a cassette with Accept on it, which I still have, stuffed somewhere. That was also my first lesson in a very nice saying that I use all the time, which says that "Nothing is totally bad, or totally good, everything comes with a smaller or bigger dose of both."
A Metal Heart was born. I wish I could say that this made my life excellent and all, but it didn't. Antisocial at school almost until my twenties, not the best of grades, not caring about people, life, habits, future, anything...
My main concern was how to listen to more music, to talk about music, to learn more about music, to buy a guitar and play music, to take music lessons, music... music... music...
Your choices define your life, I regret nothing, some people and friends left, some stayed, the important thing is... I NEVER CHANGED! I never sacrificed any part of myself for becoming something that I despised, something I hated, something fake.
Truth guides my path in life, I never tell lies I hate them, and truth costs. But I'm willing to pay that price, a price which I'm paying for 20 years now... not an easy thing to do, but for me it was simply necessary in order to survive.
And it still is, it will always be...